


Clowning Around

by MizuPhoenix



Series: CrackFic One-Shots [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Author is contemplating her life choices, Ben Has A FILTHY Mouth, Ben's attracted to small honkers, Car Sex, Circus Jokes, Clown AU, Clown Puns, Clown and Pound, Clownlo is born, Comedy or Cuddle?, Exhibitionism, F/M, Fluff and Crack, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I'm sorry?, No Honk Kink, PSA: Balloon Animals do not belong in your cooch., People are Clowns not humans, Praise Kink, Rey's tits don't honk and Ben's down for it, Smut, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, anyone?, breeder kink, no, okay, unprotected sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-23 01:06:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18539173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizuPhoenix/pseuds/MizuPhoenix
Summary: She had the most beautiful little pink honker Ben had ever seen.“Oh, I’m going to take you to the Bone Zone,” he promised.“Better win myself a stuffed animal.”“Baby, I’m going to stuff you full of my white fluff.”“Mhmm, let’s see if I can win the-”“Ehem!” a rather loud cough startled the pair. They turned to see an older woman frowning at the pair of them. “Younglings these days,” she shook her head and continued to glare at them.Rey glared right back, “Oh go stuff a balloon animal up your dry, pasty cooch.”Or the Clown AU no oneshouldhave asked for





	Clowning Around

**Author's Note:**

> The Clown AU one sicko asked for. (Hope you feel better soon 😉 ) And just happened to be the sicko idiot who said "Fuck it" 😔
> 
> This is a crackfic. It is in no way supposed to be taken seriously. ✨
> 
> Spencer, you've created a monster.😈
> 
> Enjoy💖

She had the most beautiful little pink honker Ben had ever seen.

Sure - he had seen plenty of them before, the bright red bulbous protrusions were the first feature most looked for in a potential mate. All of his friends bragged about how big a ‘honker’ a woman had – or even more lewd, how loud her honk was.

Ben was different, it was not the nose that attracted him. Nor the facial markings that indicated class and status within Clown society. It was something far more debauched. He was attracted to the shape of a woman underneath her clothes, the color of her skin - the less pale the better - and he would prefer her tits did not actually honk. If his mother or father ever found out, they would disown him without a second thought.

Which was complete and utter bullshit, because they were the ones at fault for his secret fetish. If they had not hired a Human for his tenth birthday – all the cool kids were having Super Hero themed parties – he would never have seen what a woman looked like under her frumpy, colorful clothes.

Pink skin, breasts that decidedly did not honk, and small understated features.

The people who made their trade as humans usually had some genetic abnormality. Being born without a honker, the facial markings, or even the pasty white skin, was an instant sentence into Freakdom. Who was going to hire someone without proper class markings? It would terrify the children.

Ben continued to stare at the beautiful creature across the aisle. Her hair was a brilliant shade of neon orange, but instead of the normal curly afro, her hair hung straight. Her skin, an almost pale peach color, had his heart hammering. But it was the little bulb on her delicate nose that had his fun stick quivering in his red and yellow pants.

Pink!

Her only facial marking was two teardrops falling down her left cheek. _She must be a Palpatine._ Everyone knew that to have two teardrops meant you were from the ancient house of Palpatine. Everyone knew the Palpatines, they were entrenched into the upper echelons of Clown Society.

As a Skywalker he had a dusting of literal stars across his skin. His family was an offshoot of the royal Naberrie line, once aligned heavily with the Palpatine’s – at least until his grandfather ran away with the crown Princess set to marry one of the Kenobi heirs.

_But why is she here? And so alone,_ Ben wondered to himself. He caught a glimpse of himself in the glass door where he was debating which flavor ice cream he would prefer.

His midnight blue curls were tightly wound. His red stars were stark against his pure white skin. He was rather bulky, so his red and yellow jumper clung to his skin – rather than hanging off him. He was often teased for how his clothes never fit right, and he tried in vain to stretch the material just a bit more. His permanent frown usually only landed him floozies and bimbos.

Ben released a heavy sigh, _No one wants a sad Clown Solo. Happy clowns are all the girls talk about nowadays._ Or so Poe often reminded him. _Stupid Happy-Go-Lucky fucker._

Before Ben could work up the courage to talk to the unique beauty he had been staring at for the last five minutes, a gentle hand squeezed his bicep. “Excuse me?” the lilting tone called.

Ben nearly tripped over his size twenty-five shoes. _She’s talking to me!_ He cheered, wanting nothing more than to dance around the store at his apparent victory.

“Can you either pick your ice cream or move?” the beautiful creature asked.

Ben frowned, his short-lived victory dying a quick and ruthless death. “Oh, s-sorry,” he whispered as he shuffled his feet out of her way. _At least she didn’t notice me staring._

“And can you not stare at me? I know I look odd, but that’s really quite rude!”

Ben blanched, “But you’re beautiful!” he blurted out.

He slapped his hands over his mouth and wanted to find a hammer to bash his brains in. Preferably one that had a bit of weight to it.

“Yeah, right,” she rolled her eyes then turned her attention back to the ice cream selection.

“But you are!” he insisted, stepping forward.

The woman turned, eyeing him up and down as if for the first time. Ben swallowed heavily, hoping she found whatever she was looking for. He ran a hand through his blue curls and twisted one of the poofs hanging off his arm. Being under this woman’s scrutiny was agonizing. He just wanted to reach out and-

_Oh god no!_ He panicked pulling his hand back. He had just reached out to give her chest a squeeze. He was not her friend or even family. _Fuck!_

The woman’s eyes burned with anger. “Did you just check to see if my breasts would honk?”

Ben’s eyes widened. “No! I’m actually glad they didn’t. I’m not a fan of all the ‘honk’ talk. It’s why I thought your nose was rather cute. You’re honker’s so small it’s barely there.”

_Shut up! You fucking idiot. Shut up now. Apologize and just walk away!_ Ben berated himself.

“Shit, that was rude. I’m sorry. I’m just going to go,” Ben explained, hanging his head in defeat. Just as he was beginning to make his hasty retreat, he felt a tug on his oversized sleeve.

“Wait,” she called out.

He turned to face the beautiful creature that had his cock harder than it had ever been in his life - in the middle of the freezer section of the grocery store. “I’m really sor-”

“I’m Rey,” she held out her hand as she spoke.

_Rey. Beautiful sunshine in a pretty peach bottle._ “Ben,” he held out his own hand and gave her a gentle shake.

Rey’s eyes widened in surprise. “You aren’t going to buzz me?”

Ben shuffled his feet. “I’m not into the electrocuting friends thing. My best friend wore me out of that gag when I was twelve. He has a proclivity toward holding on too long,” he explained, feeling the flush rise to his cheeks.

He stared into her eyes, a beautiful shade of hazel. Oh, he could get lost in her eyes, no markings to distract from their swirling patterns. “You have beautiful eyes,” he murmured.

Rey shivered at his words. “Thank you,” she whispered. Ben watched her head dip down before shooting back up to stare at him with a look he could only describe as incredulous, her mouth hanging open in shock.

He wanted to stuff that cute little mouth of hers around his cock and...and… _Shit!_ Ben glanced down and he could see the clear tent in his pants, pointing incriminatingly right at Rey. It was no Barnum and Bailey’s yet, but it was getting close.

“I...um...well you see, this is-”

She cut him off placing a finger to his lips. “You have rather large hands, and you’re built like a linebacker. Plus, those shoes. I shouldn’t be surprised, you do fill out your clothes quite nicely,” she purred, a salacious grin making its way onto her heart-shaped face.

Ben was half afraid his heart was about to burst out of his chest. “Yo-you like it?”

“Mhmm,” she nodded. “I’ve half a mind to leave my cart here and let you take me home to fool around.”

Ben forgot how to breathe. He’d been doing it his whole life, but suddenly he forgot how to even perform that essential function. He dropped his shopping basket and pulled the petite woman to his chest. “I live two blocks away. I’ll give you one hell of a carnival ride.”

Rey arched her neck to meet his gaze, her eyes burning with hunger. “I’d much rather take a ride on the Tilt a Whore, Big Dick Ben.”

While his official Clown title was _Ben Forever Solo_ \- after a particularly hard night of drinking when he registered for it on his 21st birthday - he much preferred the name Rey offered him. Probably why he didn’t get many matches on the CaP dating app. No one wanted to Clown and Pound with his permanent resting sad face.

“Oh, I’m going to take you to the Bone Zone,” he promised.

“Better win myself a stuffed animal.”

“Baby, I’m going to stuff you full of my white fluff.”

“Mhmm, let’s see if I can win the-”

“Ehem!” a rather loud cough startled the pair. They turned to see an older woman frowning at the pair of them. “Younglings these days,” she shook her head and continued to glare at them.

Rey glared right back, “Oh go stuff a balloon animal up your dry, pasty cooch.”

He was definitely going to bring this woman home to his mother later. If anything his crotchety old man would adore this little clownette. Abandoning their groceries, Ben rushed them out of the grocery store. At the rate she was going, Ben was about to take her in the aisle next to the Ben and Jerry’s.

He barely made it inside his car before Rey was on top of him, fumbling with the zipper of his jumper. He was never shopping before Midnight again. Special things happened after the stars came out. Fuck Walmart, H-E-B was the place to be.

The frantic shedding of his clothing only heightened his already throbbing cock. Angry and red it bobbed before Rey’s face rivaling the shade of his honker. “Squeeze it,” he begged.

He felt her tiny palm slip around the bulbous head. She gave him a hard squeeze and he honked. He couldn’t help it, it just felt so good. He covered his mouth, but the sound was already echoing around the car. Rey smirked, her pretty blue lips pulling up into a wicked grin.

“Oh, I’m going to make you utter noises you’ve never even heard of, Ben,” she swore, and he watched, wide-eyed, as she bent down, her little pink tongue darting out to lick a stripe from tip to base.

His body jerked, one hand fisting into her bright orange hair. Fuck, he’d never felt hair so fine. He felt her swirl her tongue around the head of his cock, and he desperately reached for the controls to lean back his seat.

Her lips encircled the head of his cock and he grasped the control and slammed it back. As he slowly reclined Rey seemed to match the pace of his slow recline. The wet heat of her mouth overtaking his senses. When the head of his cock hit the back of her throat he honked again, and she hummed around him.

“Fuck!” he swore, wanting to simultaneously fuck every orifice the clownette on top of him had. “Rey, if you don’t stop teasing me, I’m going to fucking lose it!”

Rey pulled back completely, and Ben was to slow to yank her back to his cock to finish what she had started. He growled as he reached out to her, feeling her hair slip through his fingers. She leaned back, just out of reach.

Rey wagged a finger at him, light glinting off the bit of saliva on her chin. “Ah ah. You want a Happy Ending, Ben, you need to work for it.”

Trying to form a more coherent sentence grunting or demanding that Rey _sit on his dick_ was nearly impossible. Somehow, through some miracle he managed to form words. “Then take a ride on my fun stick, so I can take you home and pound you into the mattress like the carnival slut you are.”

His eyes widened for a moment, not knowing where that filth had come from. Just as an apology was about to fall from his lips the sound of a zipper being pulled stole his waning attention span.

“You better keep that promise,” Rey demanded, sliding out of her pale blue jumper and onto his lap. She bent her head and whispered into his ear. “Though you will never speak to me like that out of the bedroom, or there will be no repeats.”

Ben nodded his head, mesmerized by the sight of her dripping cunt hovering over the now almost purple head of his cock. “Would you rather I tell you how beautiful you are? With your perfect little tits, that cute button nose, and that delicious looking pussy?”

He was completely entranced as she lowered herself onto him, the explosion of heat as she rubbed her slit along his cock sent his head reeling back into the headrest with a heavy thud. “Keep talking,” she whispered.

How in the fuck was he supposed to make words when she was slowly sinking onto his cock? He wasn’t a virgin, but it had been a while. After he had been silent for some arbitrary amount of time Rey must have deemed too long she began raising herself off him.

_Talk about performing under pressure._ He closed his eyes, the vision of her pink skin flushed and taking in his cock still burning behind his eyelids. “When I get you home, I’m going to eat every inch of that perfect pussy until you beg me to stop. Then I’m going to fuck you with my honker before I bruise you from the inside out with my cock.”

Ben released a groan as Rey slammed herself fully onto all nine inches of his cock. It might not have been as thick as his honker, but it was a lot to take in. Her answering shout had him thrusting up into her with abandon. Words and promises spilled from his lips.

“You take my cock so good, my little Ringmistress. I’m going to put on a show you’ll never forget.”

Rey leaned forward and he captured her lips, desperate to taste any part of her - he devoured her. Her nimble tongue dancing along with his in a dizzying dance. He swallowed her moans, shifting in the small space to hit that perfect angle. He was almost-

“Fuck! Ben!”

_There._ A devilish grin curved along his lips. His face might look permanently sad, but he knew his eyes burned into Rey’s own. He watched her shiver and writhe on his cock, their gazes locked.

“Gonna fuck you so good in this car, soon enough we’ll make a proper clown car out of it,” he swore.

Ben watched her eyes roll back at his words and he pressed on. “That’s right, you want to take my cum. Have me fill you up with little clowns of our own. A whole house full of them,” he had always wanted to settle down and start a family. Clowns loved children, it was only natural to want to have some of his own.

It was a bit forward to be imagining the girl he just met in the ice cream aisle heavily pregnant. “Do it!” Rey practically screamed, banishing the errant thought from his mind.

He continued to ram his cock into her C spot, wanting to feel her come apart above him. “Come for me Rey, come all over my fucking cock,” he ordered.

He felt the walls of her pussy quiver, and he moved his thumb to her clit, rapidly rubbing the bundle of nerves. “Yes! Oh, Bozo yes!”

Ben felt his ego soar. “Calling me a god already. Oh, this poor pussy needed my attention. Don’t worry Rey, I’ll tame your tiger.”

Watching Rey come apart, feeling her walls clamp down on his cock was a fucking holy experience. She was so tight before, but now - Fuck! The power of his own release startled him as he saw white and then felt himself release.

His whole body twitched, coming down from on high. He had been to the big Trapeze in the sky, and he hadn’t even fucked Rey in his bed properly yet. He took in ragged breaths, trying to gain some bearing. His entire body tingled, and the weight of Rey slumped over his chest flooded him with warmth.

“So, wanna come back to my place for some Comedy or Cuddles?” he chuckled.

“Some C.o.C? Really? What are you, fifteen?” Rey groaned, but the serene grin painted across her lips belayed the truth.

“How about all three?”

“Only if you take me out for breakfast in the morning?”

“I know a good place that serves one hell of a sausage,” Ben smirked.

“You’re a monster,” Rey hissed out before slipping into her seat.

Ben reached across the armrest to curl his fingers around her chin. He tilted her head towards his own and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. “Yes, yes I am. Let me take you back to my place. I’ll give you a massage, we’ll cuddle, and then round two?”

“I can never resist a good cuddle,” Rey agreed.

As they quickly slipped back into their brightly colored jumpers, Ben could not wipe the large grin off his face. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. The tilt of his permanent frown seemed a little less pronounced now. His grin only widened, the picture odd in the rearview mirror.

“I love H-E-B now,” Ben declared pulling out of the parking spot.

Rey giggled - way cuter than the honking laughter he’d heard before - “Happy Ending Ben?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll be _coming_ here again,” he swore wagging his eyebrows.

“Just drive, you big clown,” Rey rolled her eyes, the grin still etched onto her beautiful blue lips.

Ben hoped he’d be Clowning Around with Rey for years to come.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I should be sorry or not. Hope I made y'all laugh or at the very least smile.  
> Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to put myself in the naughty corner, and continue to contemplate my life choices.


End file.
